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Saturday, April 5, 2008

Update...A Lengthy and Very Honest Post

I wanted to let you all know why I have been away for the last few days. I am going to be very blunt and straight forward in order to try to help and inform you all who may have children. Please read this for your families.

We had gotten a call from the school two Wednesdays ago regarding Christian taking some unknown pills at school. When I arrived at the school, he had admitted to taking three or four “alleged” prescription pills that were given to him by another student. I took him straight to the doctor where he also admitted that he had been taking various pain medications on and off for the last 6-8 months. All of these prescription drugs had come from students in his middle school. However, the urine tests came back negative for such a medication. While in the ER, the counselor also uncovered the fact that Christian had wanted to kill himself on several occasions, but just couldn't go through with it. In the process of the interview, he also confessed to drinking alcohol, smoking cigarettes, dipping tobacco, and trying marijuana a few times during the same period of time. She advised us to have him admitted into a local facility for evaluation, treatment, and therapy.

So Christian spent six days in a local rehab/treatment facility, and was treated for depression with suicidal tendencies. While he was there, we were only allowed to see him for only an hour every day. The first night we went to visitation was very hard, because he was coming off of all of the substances that he had been ingesting. But by day two we could already see drastic improvements; his complexion was clearing up, he seemed to be happier and more focused, and he could finally look us in the eyes when he spoke to us. We got to bring him home on Tuesday of this week (along with some daily medications), but he still has a long road ahead of him. He has to rebuild friendships that were damaged due to his decisions along with regaining the trust of his parents and other family members. The school is taking action by sending him before a Tribunal on Wednesday the 9th, and these three individuals have the power to determine the remainder of his eighth grade year.

He seems to be much better physically since he’s been home, but the mental and spiritual changes will be seen later along the way. It has been a long couple of weeks, but at least he is back home with us....one more day and he would have had his mother up there with him suffering from a mental breakdown! Chuck and I are still reeling from the whole situation....we never saw it coming. If it had happened his sixth or seventh grade year it would have been no shocker, but he had seemed to be a TOTALLY different child this year. He has been awesome in sports, his attitude had vastly improved, and his grades were even higher. It is still hard to believe that my baby was so sad that he thought taking his own life was the only answer. He will have be on his prescribed medications for quite a while, and he will be going to an after-care service for follow-up therapy for an indefinite amount of time.

Continue to pray for Christian, but also pray for the rest of our family during this time of healing and mending (especially his younger brother....he was absolutely devastated). It's not going to easy, but we are going to take it one day at a time. Thanks so much for checking on us, and I hate that I have to share such shocking and horrible news with you. I wish that I had some sage words to share, but the only things that I am certain of are the following: I am helpless to kiss all of the boo-boos away, and I can't keep my children from getting hurt. When it is all said and done, all I can do is love them and set boundaries for them in order to try to protect them. There are going to be choices that I cannot make for them, and consequences that I cannot take for them. I have to pray that they will be able to stand up and think for themselves when faced with the problems and temptations of this world.....and that really scares me to death.

Please love your children with all of your heart and might, and fight like hell to keep them safe!

Until tomorrow…….Mercy

27 comments:

Trish D said...

Will definitely be praying for your family. Thanks for sharing your story - hopefully other families can be spared some of this heartache. Hugs!

shel9999 said...

Mercy, I sit here in tears reading your post. I'm so sorry that your son has felt this pain. OMGosh, and your words about not being able to kiss the boo-boos away just breaks my heart. I so worry about the days when my children make their own decisions. We can only do so much and hope and pray they make the right choices. How frightening. I will keep your son and your family in my prayers. Big, big hugs, Mercy.

jacki j. said...

Oh Mercy!
As a parent, I feel your pain. I too have been sideswiped by a teenager. I wish there was a guarantee that if we do our best as parents, our kids will turn out perfect. Unfortunately, that's not reality. Even when we do our very best, some of them fall into traps like this. I pray that God will sustain you all thru this, especially the younger brother. Hopefully, he will benefit by learning from his brothers mistakes and not repeat them. Keep communicating with them. Share your strengths and weaknesses. I will add Christian to my personal prayer list. I have a prayer list on my blog, if you want me to add your family so that others can pray too, just send me an email with the details you want public and the specific request.

Shannan Teubner said...

Mercy, I am so sorry that you guys are going through this. As a child that put my parents through hell, I can say don't give up! And there's nothing you did wrong. You have done the right things to get Christian back on the right road, and I will pray daily for all of you guys. ((HUGS))

Donna said...

I am so sorry.

I work as a teacher in a rehab facility. You are doing the absolute right thing to treat this as a mental health problem, which it is. The drugs are secondary as they are the way he self medicates. Monitor his time away from you very closely for the next several years. Do not let him hang out with questionable kids and know where he is and that he is supervised every single moment. It can save his life.

My prayers are with you.

J-me said...

I will pray for Christian and your family. I am so glad you caught the problem and are helping correct it. I pray that Christ will do the healing and Christian will be a stronger Christian after all this.
May God keep and protect your family
j-me

Anonymous said...

Mercy, I am so sorry. I lost my older brother to suicide over 20 years ago, & depression and other mental illnesses run in both my and my husband's families. I have no wise words, except that I think you are right to talk about it. My parents still don't talk about my brother. And they probably don't like that I've put our family's "problems" on display by participating in charity walks for the American Foundation of Suicide Prevention.

I mainly visit your blog for stamping ideas, but I want you to know that I will also pray for Christian and your whole family. Keep the communication lines open.

Nan

Sharon in NE said...

Everyday I have prayed for you and your family, knowing God knows the situation but I had no idea the terrible ordeal you were facing. 8th grade is SO difficult. I'm many happy kids have thought of suicide but I'm so glad Christian has admitted and faced this. The road ahead will be difficult for you all, but I'm confident God is going to use this to bring glory to Him and it will be exciting to see what great things He will do with Christian and his brother in the future as a result of these difficult times. I will continue to lift you all up in prayer.

Dawn Easton said...

{{{{Mercy}}}} I have goose bumps reading your story. I am sorry that you all are going through this. I hope that your son continues to improve and is able to put this all behind him and lead a wonderful life.
I will keep you all in my thoughts and prayers!
big hugs!

JAR said...

Mercy, thank you for sharing your heart with us -- there are so many things we want to do as parents and yet can't. What a testament to your strong family, that you are able to talk openly and share this with others. As a mother of two teens, I so appreciate you. My heart goes out to you and I will keep you, your family and Christian in my prayers.

Jen Schmitt said...

As a mom of two teenagers, one in
8th grade, I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I am praying that God will give you the strength and wisdom to get through this. Hugs to you and your family.

Jen

denise said...

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up and remember it is always darkest before dawn.

Denise

Nancy Riley said...

Such a devastating thing you're going through right now. Christian is so blessed with an attentive, loving mother! I have been in the dark hole of depression ... in fact, very recently. If you need someone to bounce something off of or a listening ear, feel free to contact me, okay?! I will continue to keep Christian and your entire family in my prayers.

Dawn Mercedes said...

Thanks for being so open and candid about your family's situation. It is a reminder to talk to my kids, again, about these sort of issues. What a scary and uncertain time. I pray that you will find comfort and strength and peace. And that your son will know that he is loved and oh so terribly special.

Thinking of you...

Shelly said...

((((Mercy))))
I'm praying for Christian and for all of you as you go through this. Cling to Christ. He will see you though it. I pray that in the end each of you will come out stronger.
My dd didn't get into drugs, but we have been through suicide and mental health issues with her and I know how desperate & helpless it makes you feel as a mom. Hang on. There really is a light at the end of the tunnel.

diane mcvey said...

My heart goes out to you and your family. We also had a son that attempted suicide, and we had to put him in a facility...it was the hardest thing I ever had to do,except for bury our newborn baby. I know what you are going through, and this same child has attempted suicide 3 more times. He is 27 now, and is on a much better path...hopefully he will someday be truly happy. I will be thinking of you, and thank you for letting people know this can happen, without parents having a clue..with our son it was a total shock. We had no idea he was so sad....and we are a very close family. God help us all...

Jeana said...

I have been reading your blog for a few months, now. I wanted to let you know that my heart hurts for you.
We've been through a very similar situation with our oldest daughter. It was a very rough time in our life. I look back on it & wonder how we even made it through. It's so hard watching your child make these decisions. Our daughter is now 21. I think she is doing much better, we hope.
You are in my prayers & even though I only know of you through reading your blog, I know that God knows & will listen.

Tangerine Dream said...

Mercy, you & your family are certianly in our thoughts and prayers! I am so sorry your family and your darling son had to go through such a tough thing! I do want to thank you for the reminder that we all need...things are out there, and we cannot protect our babies from everything. Your last words in this post are what we need to remember, but often forget. I read this to my 17 yo daughter (she's a senior this year) and she cried. I thank you for having the courage to share this with all of us! God bless you & your family, he obviously already has because as hard as this it could have been so, so , so much harder! Love, prayers and hugs!!

Tangii Crain

Tammy said...

Thank you for your transparent honesty. I know that must have been very difficult for you. I have a son this age, and you have opened my eyes to look for things I might not have noticed before.
Bless you for sharing it with us and bless Christian in his recovery. I pray every day will get easier and that he will never have the temptation again.
Bless you all.
luv,
Tammy

jean said...

Your all in my prayers, Thank
you so much for sharing this
with us. Prayers for Christian
recovery,

Jean

Sandra Smart said...

Hello Mercy, so glad to hear that Christian is back home with you. I will continue to pray for your family . It is just so scary what can go on for these kids in 8th grade. You hear so much about the drugs in high schools, but the bigger problem is the middle schools where the kids are still young and the temptation is greater. Thank you for sharing your story.

Pam Varnell said...

Mercy,
I am so sorry for the troubles that Christian has been having lately. He is very blessed to have such a loving and supporting family that will stand beside him during this hard time. Christian and the whole family will be in my prayers.

Take care,
Pam

Angel said...

Many, many hugs for you, Mercy! Oh my! I hope the day soon comes when Christian realizes how much of a loving family he has. My boys are 10, 7 and 4 and the teen years already terrify me. I will say prayers for Christian and your entire family.
Hugs,
Angel

ChristineCreations said...

Heavy hearted for you Mercy and your family...we work with JH and HS students so Christian and the pain of the road he has walked...and the road he has to choose to take now is close to home for me. Praying for all of you...for courage, for wisdom for perseverence, for a deep an abiding confidence of HOPE. Big blessings on all of you!

Kelli in Kentucky said...

Mercy,

I'm very sorry for all your family is going through. I understand how hard it is to raise a teen. We have two girls 15 and 13. It is so much harder for them today then it was for my husband and I growing up. Kids are so hard on each other. I have been praying for you all since the March 17th post and will continue to do so. You son is very lucky to have you.
God Bless!!
Kelli Roberts

Christina Fischer said...

Mercy,

I've been catching up on your posts and was so sad to read this one. I am so sorry that your family is going through so much. Your son is blessed to have you and your husband -- may God give you the strength you need to get through each day. I will keep all of you in my prayers. ((((Mercy))))

Anonymous said...

Mercy, as many have said before me I too can share your pain. I have a 15 yr old that has been in and out of the court system for bad choices. He is so angry at everyone. He has threatned to take his life but has not acted on it to date. This effects the entire family and we have an 18 yr old daughter too. Remember these are his choices and you are not to blame, this has been very difficult for me. My heart and prayers go out to you. Love him and be there for him. This is how I get through each day.